The Madras Mail

My friend wrote on BMWs a while back. I wholeheartedly disagree.

Germany has BMW. We have SJ.

There are certain specific things that translate to thrills when driving.

• Speed. We, the 3 of us and a myriad of illegal substances, averaged 100 kmph in a car that was designed to do 40 kmph with 2 people.
• The Road. Chennai – Dindivanam – Pondy is a 6 lane montrosity that is for the most part inhabited by fiercely protective locals who engage in a challenging sport known as TVSChamp Thillalangadi. This sport requires unsurpassed skill in handling the machine itself- a lean, built-down, racing version of the ubiquitious and rather popular TVS50.
• The Driver. Clive Owen did the Hire series for BMW, SJ will soon be acting in the KenaPundai4U series, which would involve SJ and some Mc. Unconfirmed reports suggest that Scarlett Johannson is to make her debut in Indian cinema alongside SJ.
• Efficiency. We managed a trip, Pondy and back, in 3.5 litres of petrol, at an estimated mileage of 85.7kmpl. Al Gore is purported to have offered SJ a multi-billion dollar deal for his next movie.
• Collateral Damage. One Toyota Qualis, assorted lane dividers and markers, one leg, and 2 cows.

Bottomline: An Alto, dum and SJ driving has produced more adrenaline in one trip than all the BMWs ever did since World War II.

I’ve changed the layout of my blog, it looks pretty nifty, but this means that I have to limit the amount I crap out to a paltry 300 words, or my columns will lose their aesthetic appeal. Blah! There is too much wisdom in me to let go unshared, and here is my finger to aesthetic appeal and the CSS, RSS, or whatever they’re calling it. (By ‘they’, I refer to one Mr.K who happens to have a job with a blood-sucking, capitalist organization that charges $499.95 for a certain piece of software engineering done in suburban Hyderabad)

I was in Chennai for the past week. My friends have a lot of money with them. I have 10 rupees plus assorted change. I am going to a small hamlet about 2 hours from Chennai to spend the New Year’s in the company of some very friendly and very wasted French people. And if all calculations are precise, the next year’s party will be spent in a small hamlet in France, with some very friendly and very wasted French people.

I’m off. Au revoir.

PS. A ‘Save Vignesh Relief Fund’ has been created in the noble spirit of providing for one of India’s brightest minds to be able to finish his education in style. All proceeds will be tax free under Sec. 21 of the ‘Students for Alcohol Act, 1983’ and detailed accounting records will be available at … *hic hic…*

PPS. I wish all my esteemed readers a very happy new year, and may 2009 bring forth a shitload of fun. Cheers.

PPPS. The falling snow is to signify the extreme winter that Chennai and it’s very South Indian inhabitants are facing.