The Madras Mail

Today was a bad day from the start. I woke up at 10, that is bad.

I usually wake up at 12 or 1, after listening to music, surfing the internet, worry about Afro dude and White bitch who apparently have a ‘primary’ conflict, eat, do the poopoo and other equally distasteful activities, it’s already 5. Knowing the fact that sunset is around the corner, I spend a couple of hours, reading the newspaper, feeding mango pickle to the fish in my brother’s aquarium, I get ready to face the night. So around 7:30, I get my second bath of the day, discuss the finer points of my brother’s undecided career, basically includes, ‘… No man, you are too young to make the correct decisions, big brother knows best‘, with a very smug expression, ‘… Appa, he should totally go to 17 tuition classes and make sure that his entire day is spent in the company of the Accounts, Statistics and other equally boring subjects‘. At 9:30 sharp, everyday, Sundeep calls me to give him company to Xerox the textbooks, pick up dvds, meet a Nobel laureate, et cetera if his parents happen to be near the phone, or just dum if they aren’t. It’s already around 10:30 ~ 11 when am back home and next few hours are spent in watching sitcoms, movies, TV, and anything random till 2 or 3, and finally sleep.

Today was supposed to be spent ‘high’. That did not happen.

We, me and George, were pulled over by a cop at Mylapore. The only good thing was, we planned to do some vodka shots and then get some ice cream, somehow surprisingly, we decided to eat ice cream and not do the shots today, which is probably why we got pulled over. The ‘sergeant‘, the name is because he was wearing cleaner clothes and was resting his sorry butt on a bike, was very ‘honest’ with us and wrote out a ticket and charged us a spot fine of Rs.100, which is somehow supposed to make George drive safely from then on, quite pointless really.

The ticket was written out to a Nlikh Tholole Goone. George, in utter remorse for having broken the law, attested to the fact that he had indeed committed a grave travesty by taking a U-turn along with 10 other vehicles, after the other policeman asked us to take the turn, and having been the only idiot to have stopped, while everyone else took off leaving the sergeant muttering, ‘…kandippa case thaan …‘.

But in the end, there was in fact one offense which seemed very relevant to us,

The names in this post have been changed to protect the identity of the person/s involved.

The story revolves around one person, let’s call him Mr.V. Mr.V apparently has a huge problem. He learnt to drink with one Mr.G, who gulps his drinks neat rather than sip like say, Mr.S.

That aside, Mr.V and Mr.G were invited to a party by Mr.S at 10 Downing Street. (No, Mr.S does not know the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, that used to be a classy watering hole, until Mr.V got done with it, after which it ceased to be)

The party had begun by the time Mr.V and Mr.G got there, and I must describe the situation here. It was a small room, low-ceilinged, and was filled with about 20 people. Mr.V had his priorities right and headed straight for the alcohol. One more thing, the jackass that Mr.V is, he came to the party on an empty stomach, and was drinking whisky neat, and since Mr.G also was doing the same thing, he thought he was fine. But what Mr.V did not realize was, is that Mr.G had his head made of f***ing titanium that simply took obscenely large quantities of alcohol and still allowed him to stay sane. But this was not the case with Mr.V. On a normal day, after eating some food, Mr.V could have taken about 5 drinks, gotten high, and returned to normalcy in about half an hour. But no, Mr.V had something close to 7 drinks, that transalates to half a liter of whisky, neat, in a span of one hour, in a low-ceilinged room, with blasting music and complete lack of oxygen.

All was fine till the 7th drink. Now the story proceeds with the recollections of Mr.S and Mr.G as Mr.V was temporarily out of action.

Mr.V passed out, on a table, where two girls, the names are irrelevant, had their drinks. After that Mr.V threw up. Then he had to carried to the car by 6 people, he is pretty heavy apparently, and deposited rather discourteously into the car. Then Mr.S got himself and everyone else banned from the pub due to the antics of Mr.V. Mr.G dragged Mr.V to his house and took the services of one Mr.K to kick Mr.V’s ass. After about two hours, Mr.V was tucked up in bed, smelling like a pig, and wearing clothes he doesn’t remember changing into.

By the time Mr.V woke up the next day, everyone who lived above the Equator, including one Mr.Ko and Mr.Ar, who live in the United States of America, knew in intricate detail on what happened that night, except of course, Mr.V.

And now, Mr.SJ is making fun of Mr.V, this is the last nail in the coffin.

F*** you Gordon Brown !!!!

I got up this morning thinking about one more glorious, vetti day, when I heard the rather loud voice of my dad screaming, ‘What the hell is up with your hair?’, or something to that extent. Got shouted at for the pitiable state of my hair, my horrible preparations for my exams, and topics of similar concern. Had my cup of coffee, endured a shouting for 15 minutes where my Dad threatened me with dire consequences if I didn’t get a haircut, which included throwing me out of the house, I decided to cut my hair.

6.30 in the morning, a beautiful day, I went in search of a barber. I usually cut my hair at this place near my house, he generally doesn’t ask too many questions and doesn’t listen to you either. But I decided to go to the place Mr.Sundeep recommended to me – Black & White, a departure from the usual dumps where I cut my hair. I went in and told the guy to give me a decent trim. He looked at my hair for about 3 minutes and declared that my hair lacked any shape whatsoever. When I actually think about it, I don’t ever remember actually having a ‘hair-style’. He then took a rather hesitant decision and plunged into the act of clearing the Amazon. At the end of 1 hour I had lost a significant amount of hair. Finally, he just gave up and said, ‘tada …’, and of course charged me 50 bucks.

I went home bursting with pride, my dad looked at me with an expression I still can’t explain and walked off. When I looked at the mirror at home, my head seemed significantly smaller and I could actually see my forehead fully for the first time in months. Went to work and came back. Nikhil came by, looked at my hair and said, “Umm … it still looks the same to me dude”.

A morning and 50 bucks wasted.

I’m sitting here at my computer trying to figure out what to write and simultaneously fighting a losing battle with these mosquitoes which have been steadily drinking my blood for the past hour. Anyway, am down to almost 3 months for CAT, haven’t started studying seriously still (in spite of whatever George might say). What I’m hoping for right now is that I somehow get my ass into a good college for my MBA. Two more years of college and then into the wide, wide world. Will probably be the youngest guy ever to join for MBA I guess. Also it kind of feels really weird to be working right now. Am still a teenager for crying out loud. Anyway the whole point of this job thing is that by next year when I join MBA, I’ll have a year of job experience, some contacts in the industry and hopefully (If I work my ass off this year) some good references. Can’t believe that I’m in a situation where I have to think about my future, career and stuff. It still seems like yesterday when VG, SJ, and me used to go after IIT class and do all sorts of crazy stuff. Can’t believe that school life is behind us and that sort of fun can now exist only in our memories and we are now too old to do that kind of shit and get away with it. Koshal and VG are in some land far, far away that is run a by a stupid fucker who gets his kicks out of blowing up countries. SJ is in a godforsaken place in central India that in all probability has cannibals running around with leaves tied around their waists. Montu is probably the only guy whose whole outlook on life has changed and has become a whole different character (no offense intended Montu), in spite of whatever he might say about him still being the same and he is just putting his feelings out in the open more than he used to in school. In spite of all that Montu is still Montu and will always remain Montu. Sundeep, George and me are spending most of our time talking about this kind of stuff and yes, our discussions also venture in what might be said as the unpredictable, scary future.

Wow, things are changing pretty fast. What wouldn’t I give just to be sitting in Doctor’s Mechanics class, getting shouted at by her. VG in all his ’singam’ style messing with his hair. Koshal playing with Sundeep’s cell phone. Sundeep laughing his ass off looking at the antics of Montu and Cali. George and SJ doing god knows what at the last bench.

Hmmm…..

I donno..i was jus sittin at home…simply surfin when i decided to read vg’s blog….was goin thru his entries when i came across one called ‘i wish’…donno….it triggered a lotta emotions in me….reminded of all the fun we had together….the gang of 7….the fuckin trouble we caused..the amount of fun we had…man times were good then..we had no fuckin worry in the world…IIT classes…total freak out sessions….that auto driver tellin vg that he’ll kick his ass whenever he sees him again…foodworld and the stuff we flicked for the heck of it…the culturals we went to where me vg n sj didnt have anything to do but bunked school and roamed the city….the iit classes at school i the night..the extinguishers…the ‘velai’ we used to do….the terrace at school….our fucked up computer science projects…doctor the bitch and george in all his silent manner making her life miserable….george scarin that junior girl out of her wits….vg in all his glory messin with his hair all day….koshal and his shouting at people on the road…sj and his drunken gay shit…sundeep with his ‘zaras’ plans…george and his ‘girlfriends’..montu..do i need to say anything…me n vg on his kinetic roamin the city….vg and his cycle…i miss those times….the fun we had when we jus hung out together and simply whiled away the time talkin abt stuff….i mean me n sundeep went to Mocha yesterday…we were thinkin abt all those times…actually whenever we get together we generally do that….memories are pretty funny na….especially the ones where u had fun like there was no end….they kinda embedd themselves in your brain and fills u with emotions whenever u start thinkin abt thos good old days….jsu hope that all of us get together once in a while….man….life was good….