The Madras Mail

In political theory, Democracy describes a small number of related forms of government and also a political philosophy. A common feature of democracy as currently understood and practiced is competitive elections. Competitive elections are usually seen to require freedom of speech, freedom of the press, and some degree of rule of law.

That is democracy, and we have the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea a.k.a North Korea.

I saw a very disturbing documentary on National Geographic yesterday in which, a person smuggled a camera into North Korea and secretly taped the atrocities that were part of an everyday occurence there. Apparently, the ‘Great Leader’, Kim jong Il, is a totally retarded bastard. The people there live in mortal fear of the Great Leader and are continually required to ‘worship’ and bow down to a puny, bespectacled and a quite crazy son-of-a-bitch.

This Great Leader had a greater and a more glorious father, Kim Il-sung a.k.a the Eternal President.

(L-R) Kim Jong Il with the bastard who sired him, Kim Il-sung

Together, the bastard son and the bastard-er father managed to completely destroy a country and its people, while they remained the single largest consumer of Hennessey cognac, own a fleet of 7000 Mercedes Benzes, a 20,000 videotape collection, 17 palaces, and built a concentration camp called CAMP 22, which is as large as Washington D.C, with 50,000 or more prisoners. The fact that this fool also has Nuclear Weapons is very unsettling.

I don’t want to write more on the Great Leader, but I still do have one letter to write.

Dear Mr. Bush,

In spite of the fact that you are a mentally deranged baboon with a 5 nanometer wide brain, I have this one request to make.

Leave the Iraqis, Iranians, Afghans, and the people of other countries you are planning to decimate, alone. Listen to reason and logic, even if you do not posses the faculty to understand both, and kindly bomb the living hell out of the Great Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. It would really help in making the world a safer place to live in.

Yours sincerely.

PS. North Korea is a state in East Asia in the northern half of the Korean Peninsula, NOT in the Middle-East.

I saw this on a t-shirt a few months back, makes lotta sense.

I spent the last 2 days in Bombay and they could be classifed as some of the msot fun days I had in my life. Include, playing basketball in a bar, doing shots like crazy, driving on the beach at 4 in the morning in a souped up Honda City, eating at a restaurant that served food in tree-houses, browsed through a mall that had a Rolls Royce showroom, getting ‘blessed’ by an eunuch at Bandra, seeing a sculpture – ‘A child gives birth to a mother’, and managing to attend an interview in the middle of all of this.

VG wrote about his orkut fortune the other day.

Today, mine reads,

‘You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly’

Hmmm …

Okay, it’s 12 in the afternoon and am at work. I was googling the name of the people I know. Yes, I get paid. My name didn’t turn up much, except my blog, and an link on wikimapia that said ‘hai this is vikku visit me’.

Then I tried ‘Koshal thirumalai’. There was a link to his now defunct blog, http://kosh.squarespace.com/ . Very interesting. He had a lot of pictures up too, school stuff, damn he was vetti, he actually scanned all those pics and uploaded them on an ancient dial-up internet connection.
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Life has become a monotonous cycle. I can see myself decaying with each passing day.

Life sucks.

“Hi, I’m Vignesh, 20 years old, have a degree in Mathematics, interested in doing an MBA …”

“Why do you want to do an MBA ?”

“Because I wanna get rich you stupid, old f**k”

I have an interview this Saturday in Bombay. Apparently, since I’m not a son-of-the-soil, I stand a very good chance of getting killed.

1700 hrs
“Machaan, my toe is badly hurt, just came back from Pallava after cleaning the wound and dressing it. Okay, we’ll go meet Mr.Bhai, do our bit for ‘warming the globe’. Why don’t we go watch a movie?”

1800 hrs
“Wat velai? Will convince my parents that am fine, call up that f***er George and ask him whether he is coming.”

2100 hrs
“Come down ass”

2134 hrs
“Sir, you have exactly 26 minutes left for ‘witnessing’ the movie, National Treasure – The Book of Secrets. Kindly check your tickets sir. 3 tickets, for the 10pm show, Row no.E, Sathyam theater”

“Eh?”

Sundeep messed around with that guy for a while, and I was laughing my ass off, and George, who is night-blind, was ‘trying’ to park the car.

2200 hrs
“… prince jewellery …. saravana stores … shreya …. prince jewellery (again) … *silence*”

We were sitting in the ‘Elite’ class, 120 bucks.

“… a Jerry Bruckheimer production …”

2 hours of totally absurd ideas being acted out by an even absurder band of actors, who are all in the pursuit of the ‘lost city of gold’. The only saving grace was Diane Kruger, who in one scene, hinted that she might ‘fornicate’ with someone, that did not happen, and ended as an awkward kiss with a ‘White house aide’ who looked like he’d been run over by a truck after she was done. I don’t blame him though.

0030 hrs
The female in the seat front of us wore her shirt after being intensely groped by the guy sitting next to her throughout the movie

0045 hrs
“… 3 rajas and a Zippo …”

0130 hrs
Back home

An evening well spent.

It’s been quite a while since I left the blogging scene, four months actually, and these months have been quite eventful I might add, from a very questionably gay friend of mine who gets drunk on what can only be referred to as ‘engine-oil’, to the arrival of Yankee Bitch No.1, Koshal P Thirumalai, to a rather brave trip to Goa in an Alto, which deserves a separate post to itself, to my birthday to the arrival of Yankee Bitch No.2, Arvind Venkatraman, to New Year’s and RC, to MBA Examinations, to the interviews and finally, to the highly vetti afternoon yesterday.

Life is getting interesting. Work is actually causing most of my brain cells to die. I keep staring at the monitor for 9 hours straight reading news and what-not, oh did I mention, I actually get paid to do all this. It should get interesting in a few weeks, people have gotten wind of the fact that there is a guy who gets paid to log on to reddit.com everyday. But I doubt it would make too much of a difference, since what most of them are doing can’t be quite termed as ‘productive’.

I came back yesterday after spending a day at Kumbakonam, a small town in Central Tamil Nadu. My parents figured that it would be a good idea to go and say ‘Wazzup!!!’ to Mr. Murugan at Swamimalai (who happens to be my ‘kuladaivam‘, transalates to God of our Clan, I think) and perform a rather dubious activity of bribing him (archanai) with a couple of old bananas and a very questionable coconut and pray for the general welfare of all mankind. My good friend wrote a post, ‘Karma’s a B***H’, a few days back, and that’s when I started thinking about what my idea of ‘God’ was. It would definitely not be the androgynous, smirking God my friend seems to believe. The concept of ‘God’ as a person still seems kinda messed up for me.

‘God’, in this post, henceforth refers to the idol in the temple, unless told otherwise. This does not in any way explain my position on idolatry, a discussion which I have no intention of getting into. When I was in Kumbakonam, I went to about 6 temples, and started thinking. Here is a God, who is sitting on real estate that would be worth millions in Chennai (these temples are f***ing huge, trust me), adorned with jewels that will be worth some more millions, collecting donations and offerings (add a couple more millions), and people seem to think that their paltry coconuts and bananas will be enough to convince God to listen to their prayers. Okay, maybe God is not concerned about the ‘value’ per se, but actually the ‘conviction’ in the prayer. This again leads to questions like, a poor man who is dying will probably have a very high ‘conviction quotient’ in praying for money and he most probably will not get rich. It can be argued that he is a sinner and all his past sins, which were accumulated in the ‘Bank of Sins & Punniyams’, work against him and he is destined to lead a pretty f***ed life. This whole concept of Karma escapes me and I wouldn’t want to get into a further discussion on that either.

I don’t think am any closer to answering the question ‘Who is God to me?’, but I did check out some amazing works of architecture that are still standing after 1500 years (while the constructions by our college-educated civil engineers break apart after 5), had some very good filter-kaapi, ate at a place called ‘Maami’s Mess’, which makes the best dosas I’ve have ever eaten, and made my parents happy by accompanying them to all these temples.